Title: Clock (1/1)
Author: Lux (quietlygorgeous@hotmail.com)
Feedback: I will love you whether you send it or not.
Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Voldemort has won and Harry must decide whether to leave or stay.
Warnings: pretty angsty, AU
Archive: www.snowroses.net
Disclaimer: This story contains no STDs.
Author's Note: So I was in a really bad mood when I wrote this last night. Originally, it was going to be a nice smut piece full of scratching and biting and what have you. Instead, it turned into this. I've been kind of absent from the group-posting scene since last March so I'm trying to get back in the groove. Any mistakes are my own.

Clock

Harry stumbled backwards, not believing anything of what he had just heard. It wasn't true, it wasn't possible. The prophecy, the Order, everything. He grasped onto the back of a chair to keep his knees from giving out. He looked up and stared at the man before him. His companion, his partner, his lover. Dark hair swept over dark eyes, pride in those eyes and a sense of loyalty that scared Harry. A loyalty that was not directed towards him. "I don't understand. Albus--"

"--Was a fool who thought too simply." Severus glided over and took Harry's hand into his, kissed his palm and brought it to his cheek. "Lord Voldemort has such a vision, Harry. It's far greater than anything you could ever hope for."

Harry wanted to vomit. The words Severus was spewing, such words he had never heard. All the hours he had spent listening to Severus damn the Dark Lord to hell and back again, had it all been a lie? "Were you ever loyal to Albus?" He whispered. "To the Order?" Me? He wanted to add but bit his lip to keep it from coming out.

Severus looked away, out their window and over the garden. That stupid garden that he loved to tend so much. "Yes," he replies, his tone the same as Harry's; as though speaking too loudly will break this strange spell. "When I ran to him...but it's different now."

He shook his head over and over. "How can you be loyal to a-a monster?" He hissed. "Voldemort wants to kill me!"

A small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. "He'll let you live. There are just-" he paused. "-Conditions."

Harry swallowed. "What are they?"

Severus pulled him closer, cupped his cheek. "You stay alive as long as I'm loyal to him." Something flashed in Severus' eyes and Harry's breath hitched. Something was off, something wasn't real. This whole conversation was ludicrous. The Severus he knew would rather have died than serve Voldemort. But Severus would be loyal if it meant keeping him alive and giving the Order a chance to rise again without Albus as its leader.

Harry stepped into Severus' arms and held on tightly. Arms crushed them together; it would be all right as long as they were together. He pressed his nose into Severus' collar and breathed in deeply. He smelled of peppermint and lemongrass, dirt from the garden and the smoke always wafting from the cauldrons in the basement. He would remember that smell for as long as he lived. "I won't let you," he said and held on tighter when Severus stiffened. "I won't let you throw away everything we worked for." He couldn't believe what he was saying but it had to be said and it had to be said now.

"Don't do this," Severus whispered. "We could be happy."

Harry shook his head. "I want bliss, Severus." He pressed their foreheads together and twisted his hand in Severus' hair; the greasy strands molded perfectly to his fingers. He would always remember the way that felt. "I'll fight until we can have bliss. Tell him I ran from you; tell him I killed myself; anything."

"He'll find you. He has Death Eaters everywhere." Severus fisted Harry's robe and tried to keep from shaking him. "The closer you are to him the safer you are, don't you see? Don't be an idiot."

Harry kissed him softly. "It's been a long time since you called me that."

"Stop it."

"Their souls will crumble if I swear allegiance," Harry said. He loved the shape of Severus' nose. Huge and almost pointed at the end. It went perfectly with his teeth, such vile teeth but they made Harry smile. "You always said I was important in this war. The war isn't over."

Severus snarled at him and pushed him away. "Are you that naive? He's won, Harry! He's sitting in the Ministry right now appointing Malfoy to Merlin knows what position of power! By tomorrow he'll have every Muggle in Great Britain marked for execution."

"And how many of our kind?" Harry shouted back. "How many good and decent witches and wizards has he murdered? How many orphans are there, Severus? How many?!"

"It doesn't matter! The orphans don't matter, anymore. What matters is keeping you alive. As long as you're alive..." He trailed off.

Harry glared. "What? As long as I'm alive, what?"

He turned away from Harry and stared at the pictures lining the mantle. Christmas, birthdays, Halloweens. Years of them lined up. Him in a stupid red hat with Harry smiling like a loon for the camera. Harry opening his presents on his 22nd birthday; that was a memorable birthday. That was the year they had bought the house and really decided to give it a go after years of tiptoeing around and shagging in secret. Severus had bought him a Quantum 7000. A total waste of money in his opinion but Harry's face had lit up like a Yule tree.

His 45th birthday was a few pictures down. Harry had smothered him with breakfast in bed, the Potions Gazette, and a morning of mindless and euphoric sex. The real present had been nice as well but it was spending those few hours with Harry uninterrupted that had made it memorable. "I don't want to be his slave again. I don't want to be at his beck and call, brewing his potions at all hours of the night. I hate it," he growled. "But I'm getting old, Harry."

"No you aren't!" He interjected. "You're hardly 46 and we could go somewhere else. Paris, Sri Lanka; America, even." Harry came up behind him and placed his head on Severus' back. "Anywhere you want."

His arm involuntarily moved around Harry's shoulders. "I don't want to leave Britain. For all the years I've complained about how crowded it is, I can't imagine living anywhere else. Except Hogwarts." And Hogwarts was gone. It still stood on a hillside in Scotland, a rotting space if you were a Muggle; but its walls were empty now, all the spirit and cheer had been ripped away. Voldemort had taken it as his own, a place to train real wizards and real witches.

Harry stared at Severus' finger. Sturdy, callous-ridden hands, skin so stained no cleaning potion would ever reverse the damage. But they were Severus' hands. He liked those hands. "I'd go crazy if I stayed."

Severus closed his eyes and he tried to think of happier times. Christmas of 2005. Christmas with the Weasley's. He'd never thought he would ever dine with them but the whole clan had come through the Floo and Harry had smiled and kissed them, twirled Ginny around the room and refused to let Molly anywhere near the kitchen. "I know." And he and Arthur had sat in the living room and discussed Ministry politics over brandy.

Harry brushed his cheek lightly. "You would never forgive me if I left, though." Severus was willing to sacrifice his freedom to keep Harry alive. He would rather stay and be Voldemort's lab rat than run and risk killing them both. But Harry knew Voldemort. Promises meant nothing to him.

"No," Severus said softly and swallowed. "I don't think I could."

Harry stared past the photos and past the brick of the fireplace. Everything had changed so quickly in the course of an hour yet everything had changed so completely in the last few years. He held tightly to Severus' hip, afraid of letting go in case Severus drifted away. But as they stood there, Harry could feel it - the distance. Severus would have him stay, swear allegiance to Voldemort and maybe, maybe have a chance at happiness together during his reign. But Harry knew he couldn't stay. He couldn't live and accept that Voldemort had won. He'd rather die trying than live behind Severus' loyalty to a false master; he wouldn't put Severus through that just for him.

But he couldn't help thinking that Severus missed being loyal to someone. For all his complaining about being someone else's servant, Harry has thought on more than one occasion that perhaps Severus feels comfortable in the position of servant. He has never been a Malfoy, stuck-up and too good for anyone. He's always seemed a little unsure of his position, running between Albus and Voldemort all those years. And somewhere inside of Harry he has been jealous of both Albus and Voldemort for having Severus' complete servitude.

He once wondered what it would be like if Severus was as loyal to him as he was to Albus. He didn't want to be Severus' master, he didn't want Severus to swear allegiance to him but he wondered what it would be like if he did. But he would swear it back. They would be each other's masters; they would be loyal to each other and no one else.

Instead they're standing there in front of the fireplace looking at pictures of happier times, happier memories; an era where they were together and as they look at each one both forgot about the troubling times that circle each picture. The war was always going on in the background but in those frames, there was only peace and happiness.

Somewhere in their house a clock was ticking. And Harry could feel each tic-tock to the very core of his soul. The time they had wasted and the time they would never have. The clock ticked away their last moments together before a decision had to be made. But for the moment, they stood and watched the photos and waited for the clock to stop.

End.